Friday, July 9, 2010


The weather in San Diego lately has been killing me.  Chilly, especially at night.  Big, fat gray clouds in the sky all day--not just a marine layer of fogginess.  That cold, hard half-light that gives you migraines and makes you squint even though it's not sunny...  I mean, why do I pay ridiculously high rent?  This is supposed to be paradise! 

So I haven't really been inspired--well, I'm kind of overwhelmed in a way.  There's so many choices of projects that I'm intimidated and I don't know where to start!  It's like I feel so much anxiety starting on a new garment that I end up not doing any garments.  I've basically been sitting on my ass since I got back from Vegas a week and a half ago.  Vegas was so much fun that I feel like I'm having "withdrawals" now. 

I've just been reading a lot and I finally finished Brave New World, which was kind of a disappointment.  It seemed like the progressive, God-less, pleasure-based society won out in the end.  I suppose it's meant to be an admonishment.  Huxley was right--we are headed toward that kind of society.  People have forgotten about God and about helping others instead of just themselves.  People have become so focused on material things like money and still they feel empty because they have failed to pursue something meaningful.  I feel the emptiness.  That's how I got addicted to Vicodin and Xanax; I tried to drown out the emptiness with them just like the people of Brave New World used soma.  I'm still searching for purpose and meaning in life.

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